I Remember the Falling Rain

I remember gazing out my bedroom window, watching the rain cascade down the asphalt in a subtle, beautiful way. My window was blurred with raindrops, the clouds were a mellow silver, and car headlights shone through the water. I was mesmerised. For approximately ten minutes (which is possibly the greatest amount of time I’ve spent away from the computer), I just stood and watched the cars skid down. The world was a beautiful place.

I remember every afternoon after modern history where I’d just lie in my bed, trying to recover from the emotions suffocating me. Images of horror on civilian victims of the Vietnam war, all children, fleeing for their life; the unconcealed pain on African Americans as they were thrown aboard in the dark waters as the “ship was getting too heavy”; the dehumanisation and cruelty inflicted upon Jewish people during Nazi Germany, shattering their perception of home (“home” is not where you’re mercilessly slaughtered in concentration camps) –it all inks my mind with various strokes and symbols, as words cannot ever be enough.

I remember my New Years’ Resolution where I promised myself that I’d be more extroverted this year. I could comfortably sit in silence in a whole room of people and be perfectly content with a book; I am an introvert. However, recently I’ve discovered that “being myself” leads to loneliness, isolation and a constant fear of oblivion. I genuinely love people. Socializing tires me out, but I’m the happiest person alive when I’m talking to people –it’s worth the exhaustion.

I remember the first time I’ve visited a counsellor this year where family dilemma and academic stress led to a breakdown. After listening to my feelings and problems, he offered advice I have, admittedly, forgotten. However, two things stuck in my mind. Firstly, he said from a quick psychological evaluation that I don’t want people to think anything’s wrong. Secondly, he said: “Remember, everyone is struggling. Usually when people come to me, they’re under the false impression they’re the only ones, but you are not alone.” I took a lot of things away from that session; I pray that I never have to return.

I remember somebody once told me, “Wow, you’re really close to your mum, aren’t you?” after noting how much I tell her. But here’s the truth: I tell her everything that doesn’t matter, and nothing that does.

I remember when I found a quote on the internet –“Our ability to relax is in direct proportion to our ability to trust.“~ Robert Anthony– and decided that I wanted to trust more. This post is one of the hardest one I’ve ever written and I still deleted half the information in it. But I’d like to think I’m taking a step, regardless of how small, forward to trusting other people.

I remember the falling rain, both literally and metaphorically, but now I only remember the beauty.

***

OTHER LOVELY MEMOIRS:

1. Catherine Zhang
   Cutting Someone Off Feels Like Drowning A Puppy
2. sherrylcook.com
   A Memoir about a Memoir
3. One Man Versus the World
   One Man’s Salvation
4. Brick Wahl
   Spike
5. davidfetzer6271951
   Memoir Madness
6. Obsessive Compulsive Running…….
   Lost for words
7. Cloud Gatherings
   Daily Post – Memoir Madness
8. Nitin Nair Writes
   Journey Comes First, Destination Later!
9. Epenthesis
   Memoirs of a young Sailor Venus
10. …Of Course, this Could All Go Horribly Awry
    Why I’m Not a Concert Pianist (Weekly Writing Challenge)
11. pesimum
    The Daily Post Challenge – Memoir Madness
12. Sunshine Witch
    Memoir Madness – It was the best of times
13. Bumblepuppies
    Forgetfulness Insults My Intelligence
14. Pippakin Talks Cats, Dogs, Teeth and Claws
    Daily Post – Memoir Madness
15. She’s Rambling
    Makin’ Memories
16. Beyond the Brush
    I digress …
17. Unguarded Moments
    That Time Charles Bronson Offered To Rub Suntan Lotion On My Back
18. Beyond the Brush
    I digress, take two
19. Chapter Thirty Confessions
    Weekly Writing Challenge: Memoir Madness
20. wannabedeenbuddy
    i remember ……..
21. Trisha’s Story’s Blog
    Memories can haunt you
22. Hot White Snow
    A Starbucks Comfy Chair View of the World
23. Mad Meandering Me
    Weekly Writing Challenge: Memoir Madness
24. intrinsickness
    The Impermanence of Memory
25. risingrave28
    Fragments of A Snowy Weather
26. My Journey to Find Me
    The Challenge
27. shadowdreamer
    Moments are Memories
28. Rêveries of an Imagination Junkie
    Memoir Madness: A Frugal Farewell
29. Among the Whispers
    Daddy and Me: A Mermoir
30. Musings of a Random Mind
    a rite of passage
31. A Little Fluff
    Memoir Madness – Why I Adored My Father
32. Aisha’s Oasis
    Ep. 16, Joyride To Egypt: Like A Runaway Train
33. January’s Dream
    Her Mother
34. A New Day: Living Life Almost Gracefully
    The Black Book
35. Tinseltown Times
    Spike
36. The truth was written on my wrist.
    Remember who you are
37. Bipolar For Life
    Talking Shop
38. Mary J Melange
    The Differential Memoir
39. JED’s Playhouse
    Memories of love and madness
40. Red’s Wrap
    No Strings Attached
41. Confessions of A JazzyBelle
    An ode to my damn self
42. Serendipity
    THE FIRST DAY
43. Feasting & Fasting within life
    Lights mix ,not Rainbows
44. Short…but not always so sweet
    My School Bully
45. Mirrorgirl
    The sound of these years across my face
46. A Voluptuous Mind
    Memoir Madness
47. A New Voice, Slowly Recognized
    Writing Challenge: Memoir Madness
48. Living, Breathing, and Surviving, and Coping with Mental Illness
    The Worst Day of My Life
49. Jill’s Scene
    How flat can a valley be?
50. Master of Something I’m Yet To Discover
    Just Enough To Wet Your Tongue – An Early Wine Education
51. Memoir Madness
52. Rot & Poetry
    It Was The Best Of Times; It Was The Worst Of Times
53. Memoirs of a husk
    Why I spit in the eye of wedding anniversaries. A true story (with the best bit at the end).
54. Work in Progress
    Day Eight
55. Memoir Madness: My Life Told Job by Job. |
56. charlottesville winter
    Episodic Memory
57. Life. In Light Of Eternity.
    29 brief memories
58. Nilesh Prajapati
    The memoir of a geek
59. Of Old Cars and Memory Land – Evelyne Holingue
60. Damsel in a Dress
    Writing Illness as Humour
61. intrinsickness
    Aloe Vera Love
62. Takeshi’s Flight
    Remembering You
63. Rachel’s Rambles
    What It Means To Lose A Friend
64. Stuff my dog taught me
    Nostalgia is a Siren’s Song
65. My Own Champion
    Summer Beckoned
66. Eclectic Alli
    Finding Feminism: A Personal Reflection
67. Inside the Mind of Isadora
    Egg Cream – Please
68. Shadows
    The Realistic Fiction — A Memoir
69. Shadows
    The Realistic Fiction – A Memoir
70. A Whirlwind of Thoughts and ETC
    Autumn Is
71. A Hedonistic Wander
    C10.H14.N2
72. shutter and ink.
    Memories
73. Brick Wahl
    Raji’s
74. A Blog’s Life
    The Forgotten
75. The Daily Blabber
    It Was The Worse Day Ever
76. Guide to Getting Lost
    The one where you fall in love.
77. The Passion Dew
    The Muse of Love
78. The Seeker
    The Power of One
79. being mrscarmichael
    Love, Letdown and Toffees
80. de monte y mar
    Presence: A Memoir
81. Finale to an Entrance
    The Six Dollar Men
82. The Day After
    Polka Dotted Friends
83. Licht Thoughts
    The Darkest Brown
84. Front Porches and Candlelight
    Wonder if the Pope takes rain checks
85. erraticpandemonium
    Stillness: Living Around You
86. Life’s Unfiltered Ramblings
    Memories and Imagination
87. field of thorns
    Ephemeris 1841 ♉
88. Bookmole’s Blog
    Memoir Madness
89. Memoirs of a Mild Melodramatic
    Caught In A Web
90. asnappshot
    Memories
91. Those Lesser Parts – A Daily Post |
92. helen meikle’s scribblefest
    Weekly challenge: Discarding the black jellybeans
93. Thinking Languages!
    Memoir Madness! Playing with fire
94. Suzie81 Speaks
    I Remember
95. In my world
    Writing 101:God, the serial killer that never gets caught (part 3)
96. VernetteOutLoud
    #%!& Ice Cream Again!
97. A Guide to Getting Lost
    The one about the roadtrip
98. Polyprotic Amory
    18 First Days
99. Just A Thought
    One Good Memory
100. Coded Transmissions
     Hey, College Roommate, This Is For You
101. Chiquitita
     WWC: MEMOIR MADNESS
102. My Infernal Imagination
     I remember
103. Following My Joy
     My Grandmother, Her Funeral and One Missing Button
104. An Upturned Soul
     The Heart of a Child is a Balloon
105. Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth
     Mice and Rats and Rodents, Oh My!
106. Glorious Results Of A Misspent Youth
     Begrudged
107. Rideo, Ergo Supero
     Total Recall Indy
108. Morrighan’s Muse
     Tiles
109. Donna Gwinnell Lambo-Weidner
     MENDOCINO MEMOIR
110. True Stories
     Reflection on the Beatles’ Arrival in 1964
111. Wake Up Your Luck
     Memoir Madness: Downtime
112. jen groeber: mama art
     Ocean Stones and Memories
113. Jill’s Scene
     True Love in America
114. Emovere
     A Moment of Happiness
115. I Am Woman
     Desert Dreaming
116. Ramblings of a Madwoman
     My Spotty Memory
117. Memoir Madness-Friendship Day celebration at Jivandhara Old Age Home
     My.Vivid.Visions
118. Victim to Charm
     I Remember
119. Musings From My Id
     Memoir Madness
120. Niki’s Thoughts
     Brotherly Love ❤